Long, Awful Day

I don't know what it is about writing my thoughts to either an unknown audience, or not knowing if there is an audience that is being written to that calms me.  I feel pretty downtrodden.  I feel defeated.  I went to talk to my academic adviser today about graduation.  I'm on track to graduate in the fall, which is a relief.  I also had some questions about grad school.  My initial idea was to do the dual MSHR/MBA program that everyone talks about.  I've been planning on doing that for the last two years.  I found out not too long ago, that that program is only offered in the fall, so I'd have to wait a year after being done with school to go back.

I changed my plans.  Given the circumstances, I figured it would be better to just pursue an MBA.   I had heard about an MBA program that you could do Friday and Saturday, allowing you to work during the week.  Since we're having a baby this year I figured that would be the best option, maybe even a blessing in disguise.  Well, today I found out that program is only offered every two years, and it started Spring 2012, and won't be offered again until Spring 2014.  So now that plan is gone too.

Now I just don't know what to do.  I've heard so many people who graduated and started working, saying "I'll go back for my masters after I work a couple years."  They never go back to school.  I don't want to be that person, and I don't want to wait around a couple years working two part-time jobs either.

I don't know why my plans never actually work.  Even when buying a car, we tried to  figure out what all the upfront costs were going to be, and because of some complications with the loan, ended up having to put down way more than we were initially told by the dealership.  Then because of some other problems, we spent the next few weeks waiting for a call from the bank to tell us we had to take the car back.

I'm upset that noone ever told me that the programs weren't always offered. But more than that, I'm just upset that whenever I make a goal, I never get to see the end result I imagined.  What's the use in setting goals if third-party circumstances intervene and make the goal invalid?

I don't know how many times in life people have said, "it's so crucial you set goals for yourself", or, "if you don't set goals, you won't get to where you want to go."  So why is it when I sit down and say, this is where I want to be in five years, and this is how I'm going to get there, it doesn't work out?

So, you might say, go to another school for your MBA.  I talked to my adviser about that.  If I stay here, the program is only supposed to take a year to complete.  If I go somewhere else the first year of the two year program is retaking classes I took for my undergrad, which makes my undergrad either completely worthless, or the MBA a waste of time.  But according to the new Department Head that just arrived from Notre Dame, his research shows that my chosen undergrad degree is worthless because the students who graduated from this University have gone on to do prestigious stuff like clerical work and filing for less than $30,000 a year.

If anyone's actually reading this and made it this far, thank you.  I just needed to pour my broken-hearted first-world problems into the keys and hope for a miracle.  I should feel lucky just to have the opportunity at higher education.  I've lived in a third-world country where a mediocre public education was offered through high school, and then people lived out their lives working themselves to the bone, and wondering if they would get shot on the way home from work.

I shouldn't complain.  I've always had a roof over my head, food to eat, and a feeling of safety in my environment.  Maybe the reason that I have to watch my goals and plans get torn apart is to realize that despite it all, I have the basics covered.  Maybe I do end up with a job making barely $30,000 a year.  In America, that's just enough to get buy comfortably.  In other countries I'd be filthy rich.  It's hard to remember those kinds of things when things are good.

So, for a master's degree, I don't know.  It's all up in the air.  Some waiting period is going to have to happen.  In the mean time, I should just keep focusing on covering the basics and being thankful for what I've been given.