Super Committee: Super Fail

Well, I can't say I'm not surprised.  I am, however, very disappointed.  Not in the sense that the goal wasn't accomplished, no, the real tragedy here is that absolutely nothing happened.  Remember the good old days when congressmen disagreed they would beat their opponent mercilessly with a cane like Preston Brooks did to Charles Sumner?  No canes were used by the super committee.  There was nothing super about it. 

Here's our buddy Sumner.  Doesn't he look like he just may need a good beating? 

Those were the days!  Discussions so heated that fists flew left and right until everyone who left the room was red, white and blue.   True Americans.  Unfortunately, after every day of long hours put in by the supposed "super" committee, each member trudged wearily out of the room with a noticeable lack of red and blue.  They are, however, defiantly true to the white aspect of the committee (which I don't think got enough attention in the press).

I think the super committee owes America an apology.  In every American's heart burns the question, where are the Aaron Burr's and Alexander Hamilton's of today?   I'm sure Burr and Brooks are turning in their graves at the sight of this clearly unAmerican approach to politics and debate.  This is not the America that Americans signed up for.   I'm sure that  John Hancock would be the first to remove his signature from the parchment and declare, "I would rather be enslaved to King George than live in a nation where we cannot speak our minds with our fists!"

When I imagine a super committee, I'm thinking The Avengers or Justice League of congress.  My super committee would include Burr, Hamilton, Jefferson, Adams, Brooks, and Franklin (to be the comic relief when it all hits the fan).  

To apologize for the great disappointment that the current super committee has caused, I think it's only fair that John Kerry (who looks eerily just like Andrew Jackson) and Rob Portman (who looks like he could be the late Pete Postlethwaite's twin) treat us to a cage match.  Usable weapons for the match include stop signs, chairs, and garbage cans.

 They owe it to America.