Conversation with Jon

i see
how intriguing
so what did you say after he licked the table?
uh huh
hmmm
wow, how utterly disgusting
no, i never claimed to have been abducted by aliens
that's preposterous
no, that fact that i used the word 'preposterous'
i didn't think it would come to that
now that you mention it though, he does look like an aardvark that sniffed cocaine and swallowed a mouthful of lemon juice
not that i've seen one, of course
well, not lately anyway
but there was this one time, at the zoo when some monkeys threw poop at us
it was simply traumatizing
can you imagine? the horror? i had nightmares for years
no, i really did. and what made it worse was when Michael Myers from Halloween tried to kill me while i was eating applesauce
turns out, he doesn't like applesauce
that and i think jamie lee curtis was inside my applesauce
oh, hello jaime lee, how the heck did you get in my applesauce?
you little bugger, get out!
and by that time I realized that i was just another mustard seed dusted pretzel in a plastic bag of doom like everyone else
waiting, yes, waiting to be lodged into President Bush's gargantuan esophagus.
i don't know, i think it's a species of ape
which reminds me, why didn't you send me a post card from the moon?
i sat by my mailbox for days
i ran out of money because i didn't go to work
i had to sell my body
no, not like that
sicko
i sold my plasma
day after day, though i know it's unhealthy
what could i do?
and then the legos started to arrive
they came one brick at a time
at first i didn't understand, but then i knew
Justin Bieber hated me
was it my hair? it could have been
was it that i went through puberty first? signs point to yes
so i started building, day after day i built with those legos
pretty soon i finished, and there it was before me, a giant replication of a bollweevil
it came naturally, of course, my thoughtless mind constructed it ever so easily. too easily. that's what i was told anyway my first time at disneyland
they told me, if you eat that much cotton candy, frozen bananas and deep fried twinkies you'll regret it
turns out i did, several times
but by then i had stopped caring, because i was a turtle
i didn't know when i first became a turtle
but i had a bad taste of mustard in my mouth.
the end