I'm Afraid I Might Be John Boehner

I'm afraid I might be John Boehner
and I'd rather be Darth Vader
I looked in a glass and saw in my eyes
bloodshot arteries of a very long cry

I'm afraid I might be Boehner, John
because with others I cannot get along
If there's something you want, I see that it's blocked
When no progress is made I pretend that I'm shocked

I'm afraid I might be Speaker of the House
I will listen to no one who wears a blouse
Because the Koch Party has spoken and it is decreed
That men's problems are the only problems we need

Please tell me I am not John Boehner
In the instant I'm silent but then complain later
I hope that this nightmare and scare will all pass
and I wake up tomorrow  no longer an a**
--Jake Garrett

Narc - A Satirical Poem on the Media

There's no telling the telling that I'll tell on you
If I see you doing what you ought not to do
I'll note it and dote it and report it all too
If I see you doing what you ought not to do

And if I am sneaky and careful and neat
I'll capture on camera and record what you speak
Then print it and post it all over the news
If I see you doing what you ought not to do

You can run and you can hide, but you can't run AND hide
Your life is very slippery spiral slope slide
And despite your best efforts your PR aide too
I'll still print the things that I know about you

And who is to say what you ought not to do?
I am who says what you can and can't do
For all who I tell will blindly believe
That you are a liar with tricks up your sleeve
And even if what I say is simply not true
There is no one, nowhere, who will believe you
If I see you doing what you ought not to do

There's no telling the telling that I'll tell on you
If I see you doing what you ought not to do
I'll note it and dote it and report it all too
If I see you doing what you ought not to do

--Jake Garrett