Conversation with Jon

i see
how intriguing
so what did you say after he licked the table?
uh huh
hmmm
wow, how utterly disgusting
no, i never claimed to have been abducted by aliens
that's preposterous
no, that fact that i used the word 'preposterous'
i didn't think it would come to that
now that you mention it though, he does look like an aardvark that sniffed cocaine and swallowed a mouthful of lemon juice
not that i've seen one, of course
well, not lately anyway
but there was this one time, at the zoo when some monkeys threw poop at us
it was simply traumatizing
can you imagine? the horror? i had nightmares for years
no, i really did. and what made it worse was when Michael Myers from Halloween tried to kill me while i was eating applesauce
turns out, he doesn't like applesauce
that and i think jamie lee curtis was inside my applesauce
oh, hello jaime lee, how the heck did you get in my applesauce?
you little bugger, get out!
and by that time I realized that i was just another mustard seed dusted pretzel in a plastic bag of doom like everyone else
waiting, yes, waiting to be lodged into President Bush's gargantuan esophagus.
i don't know, i think it's a species of ape
which reminds me, why didn't you send me a post card from the moon?
i sat by my mailbox for days
i ran out of money because i didn't go to work
i had to sell my body
no, not like that
sicko
i sold my plasma
day after day, though i know it's unhealthy
what could i do?
and then the legos started to arrive
they came one brick at a time
at first i didn't understand, but then i knew
Justin Bieber hated me
was it my hair? it could have been
was it that i went through puberty first? signs point to yes
so i started building, day after day i built with those legos
pretty soon i finished, and there it was before me, a giant replication of a bollweevil
it came naturally, of course, my thoughtless mind constructed it ever so easily. too easily. that's what i was told anyway my first time at disneyland
they told me, if you eat that much cotton candy, frozen bananas and deep fried twinkies you'll regret it
turns out i did, several times
but by then i had stopped caring, because i was a turtle
i didn't know when i first became a turtle
but i had a bad taste of mustard in my mouth.
the end

Groundhog's Day

Nothing is as unfortunate as the name Punxsutawney Phil. And people wonder why he hides out all year long. I can't imagine how he must have felt in grade school; never learning how to properly spell his name, let alone pronounce it. This morning when P. Phil stuck his nose out of the hole and took a look around, the whole country held it's breath whether they knew it or not. And the verdict? P. Phil did not see a single Zombie. It isn't conclusive at all if the Zombie Apocalypse will be this spring or not, and lamentably Punxsutawney does not have the budget to pay P. Phil to stick his nose out more than once a year to tell us all what our own eyes can see. Could it be that P. Phil can psychically see into the future with those beady little eyes of his? Some traditions just don't make any sense.

Weird Smells

So I smell a lot of weird things on my way to, during, and from school. Generally the smells are on the bus. Yesterday morning I got on the bus and my first instinct was, "wow, it smells like mushu pork." and indeed it did. I looked around me but there was no sign of Chinese food, unfortunately. On my way home from school, I got on the bus and the first thing I thought of was "ugh, it smells like a gerbil cage." gerbils have a pretty distinct smell. I've had rats, smelled ferrets and hamsters, but nothing is as distinct as gerbils. It's been years since I've had gerbils, but a nose never forgets. I wondered if it was the guy sitting next to me, but nope, turns out, it was the whole bus. Today at school I sat in the business building and the whole floor smelled like the pipes had exploded in the walls and raw sewage was everywhere. After awhile the smell wore off, and it smelled like a dumpster that hadn't been retrieved for a long time. I think I need to invest in some nose plugs.

Shooting

Today I went with my friends Scott and Tyler and we shot an old tv to bits. I should have snapped a few more pictures when we were done, 'cause we took a .22 rifle and a 9mm handgun to it quite a few times. Also we found Cheap Trick's Greatest Hits and I put a few holes in it from 100 feet back. It's been a good six years since I've shot a gun, good to know I've still got it. It was about 29 degrees F outside, and I didn't bundle up quite enough. After about a half hour my hands were pretty numb, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to hold the 9mm. The mud was frozen solid so that was nice. Tyler still managed to get all dirty though. Looked like he'd been standing in diarrhea or something.

I got home and my wife had a fever of 101.6, that soon went up to 102.8 and got us really worried. It's really cold outside today, so I bundled her up and we sat outside on the porch for a few minutes which really helped. I said a few silent prayers, and last I checked on her it was down to 101.2 which is a relief. Hopefully she'll get feeling better.

Busy Busy Busy

I haven't had a whole lot of time this week for anything but homework. Yes, I have gotten behind on some of my tv shows (gasp!), haven't played my guitar in weeks, haven't been able to read my book I'm currently reading, or continue writing the book I'm currently writing. I've been working working working on homework, and the sad thing is, I don't think it's even going to pay off. I spend so much time reading, taking notes, reviewing, but in the end nothing sticks and I've got three tests next week. We'll see what happens. My gnomes are all staring at me. I guess I should name the newest addition. The majority on my facebook poll said his name should be Gene, the rest said Carl, and no one voted for Kyle. It's my gnome, and his name is Kyle. So ha. Suck it, bookface.

New Gnome addition

Huzzah! my wonderful wife got me another gnome for my birthday! Right now on facebook the discussion is not heating up about what his name should be, and names are not "bouncing around the internet like a beach ball at a Nickleback concert"! The options are Kyle, Carl, and Gene. If you exsist and are reading this, feel free to add your thoughts. Otherwise, continue to be a nothing that is not reading, has no thoughts, and no opposable thumbs.

My Birthday!

So today is my birthday. My first "happy birthday wish" was from the Jimmy Eat World members forum. I think it was sent exactly at midnight. It was an automated message. As thrilled as I was, if you're going to send birthday greetings, they should be somewhat personal otherwise you might as well send me a message every day wishing me the best and I'll just delete it. But, since technically it was my birthday, I was kind enough to let it sit in my inbox (after removing it from junk mail).

Right now I'm at school considering my options for what homework to start on first. Turns out that the world keeps turning and deadlines don't change for you when it's your birthday. It's a day like any other where you do laundry and homework and fight with the stupid access point in the business building to stay connected to internet for more than one !@#$!%@#^W# minute.

Blogging?

I haven't blogged in a long time. Truth is, I don't know if anyone is going to read this. But I think I'm going to take a shot at this blog stuff again. Back in high school I did it, and had to beg people to read about my silly little life. Now, I guess I'll just do it 'cause it's therapeutic. So I'll see what I can blog about.

Stay Gold, Pony Boy, Stay Gold

Wow it has been awhile again! No earthquakes since the last time I wrote though. The semester is finally coming to a close, and boy am I ready for it to be over. I'm tired of class, tired of homework, and tired. Just plain tired! It would be nice to sleep in a bit you know? Ha, and here I am blogging at nearly midnight. Well, that's the way it goes when I'm rollin with my gnomes. No really, I've got a gnome on the fireplace, and I'm a playing counterstrike.

We a'int had nothin' but maggoty bread for three stinkin' days!

Wow, it's been quite awhile since I last wrote. I left for Disneyland and since then haven't gotten around to writing. There has been plenty to right about though, like the earthquake I was in, and, well ok that's about all that's happened. School is coming to a close and I just can't wait for it to be over. School's really gotten in the way of my video game playing.
This week at work I spoke with a woman on the phone who said she didn't want to give me her email address for the survey I was doing because she was moving and so she didn't know what her new email address would be because the computer was going to be moved to the new house. That's what people over the age of 40 should be mandated to take technology classes methinks.
Hannah and I found a new place to live, so we're going to have to find a new place for our rats to live as well. Poor little guys, we've spent like 5 (rat) years with them. We watched Othello go through puberty. Such (fond?) memories together. Oh well.